“Mom, I Want to Be Baptized”
Cami Bunting
This article was originally published in Christianity Magazine, June 1995.
A thirteen-year-old boy squeezes past the other teenagers and makes his way to the front row. He sits down, and slightly trembling with fear and excitement; he waits for the congregation to sing the last few words of “Almost Persuaded.” He tells the preacher that he wants to be baptized. In low tones, he explains why and, yes, he understands the blessings and responsibilities that come with being a child of God. He nods when asked if he is ready to confess Jesus as the Son of God and, unashamed, stands up to do so. There are few dry eyes in the building as friends and family see this boy they have watched grow up commit himself to the Lord. In Heaven, angels rejoice. But one woman, keeping her promise not to get “all carried away,” sits carefully poised, witnessing the scene with indescribable feelings of love, and joy, and pride, and gratitude, and well, anything more would be getting carried away.
Every Christian mother dreams of seeing her children baptized. But how do we know when they’re ready? Even more importantly, how can we help them decide for themselves if they are ready? Is it dangerous to tell a child “no” when he asks to be baptized?
We begin teaching our children of God’s love while they are babies. Before they start school, they want to please God and are learning how. It shouldn’t surprise us, then, that they begin to ask about being baptized long before they are actually ready to obey the Gospel.
I’ve found that a little preparedness goes a long way. Life’s most profound questions are often asked in a grocery store check-out line. And keep in mind that a young child wants a short, definitive answer. More than once, I’ve reached the conclusion of what I considered a most eloquent speech only to have my child blurt out something like, “I know who invented Velcro.”
Our children’s earliest questions may come when they witness a baptism for the first time. Their concerns will probably be about the physical aspects and not the spiritual, but it’s a good chance to start explaining the basics, this is something people do to obey God; Jesus was baptized just like this. Young children, who in all sincerity want to obey God, will very likely ask, “Can I be baptized?” or “When will I be baptized?”. Be sure to praise their good intentions as you explain that they’re not quite ready. We explained to our sons that when they were ready to be baptized, they wouldn’t want to bring things to worship services, like books or drawing paper, but that they would want to sit and listen closely to the teaching. The look on their faces told us they understood it wasn’t time yet.
An emotional conclusion to a gospel sermon, pleading with sinners to escape punishment in Hell, may completely miss its conscience-seared target and land straight in the tender heart of a child. This is especially true after an evening sermon close to bedtime. These first pangs of fear are part of the process that will lead a child to submit to God. But no one should be baptized until the fear of punishment is accompanied by love and gratitude. Sometimes the best thing we can do for a tearful child in bed is to assure them that God loves them and will take care of them through the night, and we’ll talk more about it in the morning. The light of day makes most scary thoughts vanish. Then you can decide whether or not to bring up the subject again.
What if I don’t feel my child is ready? Can I tell him “no”? What if he loses interest and doesn’t ask again? Do I apply this line of thinking to anything else my children really want? Kids pester and persist—it’s their job. Every year, we enlarge our boys’ bicycle boundaries, and every year they consider the boundaries too small. If I tell my son no, that he is not allowed to cross First Street, do I fear that years from now he’ll be living at home, unmarried and jobless because he never asked again?
A good friend had to tell her son “no,” he couldn’t be baptized even though he begged and pleaded. Sound dangerous? Not when you learn that he wanted to be like the older kids who “get to drink the grape juice.” Saying “no” may be saving your children from confusion and regret when they look back and try to remember their obedience to the Gospel. If they want to argue their position, listen carefully to what is said. It may be a sign that they’re more ready than you think.
What about the child that is getting close? When can we know for sure that he is ready? All we can do is pray for wisdom and use our best human judgment. We want a child to say, “I want to be baptized.” However, I don’t completely buy the idea, “if you have to ask, you’re not ready.” We train our children to ask for our guidance when making decisions; it’s perfectly natural that they seek our approval.
We took some good advice to “answer a question with a question, and then listen carefully to the response.” To the questions, “Can I be baptized? Should I be baptized? When should I be baptized?”, we asked, “What do you think?” and “Why do you ask?”. Listen to see if the child expresses an understanding of what baptism is and how it changes his relationship to God and the church. Gently challenge his determination, but don’t encourage defiance. We told our children to look into their hearts because that’s what the Lord will do. Will He see there a young mind not sure yet of what is right and wrong, or an unwilling soul who knows what to do but hasn’t acted?
We may feel our children are too young and innocent to need cleansing from sin. But children that have been brought up in “the nurture and admonition of the Lord” will feel the guilt of sin quickly and won’t have to wrestle long and hard for an answer. They have been taught for years that God is waiting to forgive them and call them His children. If they understand that in return they must submit to the Lord, whatever the cost, they are as ready as the early Christians who were baptized “in the same hour of the night.” May God guide us in our efforts to teach our children His way.
